spring 2023
Dear future daughter,
Does your name start with an E or an M? Does it roll off the tongue? Does it sound pretty? Is it the name of an old saint, or the name of a flower? Have you grown up embarrassed that I ever chose it? Do you smile when I call it?
I hope you do. I hope that when you're older, you'll smile much more than I ever did. As I’m writing this, I’m only eighteen. And while that’s not very long on this Earth, in my mind it has felt like an eternity. I may not know how the rest of my life may turn out; I may not be privy to whatever future of mine lies in the depths of the decades ahead of this one. But I do know this, there is a long winding road that lies ahead of you. And I hope to know you, and even if I never do, I'll tell you the things I wish my mother told me.
When you walk, don't stare at your shoes. Never be afraid to look straight ahead, never fear that people will stare at you. Your fears are not monsters that manifest themselves in places other than under your bed, they will not attack you in places everyone will see. You are much bigger than those things, and if you don't know that now, one day you'll see. If someone tries to convince you that there's a bolt out of place in your body or a finicky gear in your head, tell them that you will not be fixed. There will never be anything so wrong with you that you will live your life thinking you're broken. You are not broken. And if you feel otherwise, work through and examine those beliefs that make you feel that way. And if that work takes over a year, then let it take a lifetime. Do not carry yourself as if the time on the hourglass is running out, do not rush to places you've never been. And if the time has passed, then know that you are better there late than never there at all. Never let other people's perception of you be the way you perceive yourself, never let their ideas become your story. Never let them write your future, never give them the pen. If they think they know your story, let them be surprised at the turn of events.
Do not pinch at the sides of your stomach, and do not pull at the skin of your thighs. Do not analyze every nook and cranny and deem your body unlovable. You will never be unlovable. But you will never be perfect because we were never meant to be. Do not pick too harshly at the scars that form during your journey up that tall tree, do not fear that the branch is too weak.
Once in a while, look to the sky, and if it’s nighttime, look to the stars. Find solace in the vast and unending atmosphere, know there are things much larger than this life alone. Dance with the troubles doubt brings, and through that chaos, you will remember why you ever wanted to learn the steps in the first place. We will never know everything, and if we did, what purpose would there be to live and learn? After all, our mistakes are our teachers. I know there may be strange turns and odd pathways along the way, but keep walking that long winding road, filling in the gaps doubt leaves with memories. Now and then, you may wonder why time seems to come to a slow halt, and why nothing ever happens when it does. You will feel as if your life has taken the form of a printer that’s run out of ink, wondering why nothing ever flows. The events of your life may seem to be coming to an end but know that this is merely the space in between. In these waiting periods, you will learn, reflect, and grow.
Then, when life deems you ready, the world will open itself up to you again, like spring emerging from winter’s rest. Do not force this process. Even if it takes an eternity, remember that there is a reason we wait.
This piece is absolutely beautiful. Everyone needs to write to their future daughter and read it back to themselves.
Great read!
"Never let them write your future, never give them the pen." WOW! This is so beautiful!